1. text
    jethrocane:

summer-band-dreams:

ninthdoctorsbutt:

jethrocane:

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF
I BOUGHT IT
MONTHS AGO
TRIED IT ONCE
I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE
IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER
IT GOT ON EVERYTHING 
IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY
I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT
AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
I READ THE DIRECTIONS
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT
I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE
TURNS OUT
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST
WAIT FOR IT TO DRY
COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)
IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW
AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)
AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS
AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM
IT WAS A MIRACLE 
THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST
IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME
IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING
AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT

NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME
AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY
THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING

IF YOU RUB TOOTHPASTE ON YOUR LIPS IT COMES OFF EASIER

YES THIS IS A GOOD TIP I HAVE HAD THIS EXPERIENCE
GIVE IT A LIL SCRUB WITH THE OL’ PEARLY WHITE RUB A DUB DUB
IT WILL COME OFF
IT WILL DO AS YOU COMMAND
THIS MAKEUP   O B E Y S
IT   S T A Y S

    jethrocane:

    summer-band-dreams:

    ninthdoctorsbutt:

    jethrocane:

    LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF

    I BOUGHT IT

    MONTHS AGO

    TRIED IT ONCE

    I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE

    IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER

    IT GOT ON EVERYTHING 

    IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY

    I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT

    AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

    HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

    I READ THE DIRECTIONS

    AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT

    I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE

    TURNS OUT

    YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST

    WAIT FOR IT TO DRY

    COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)

    IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW

    AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)

    AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS

    AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM

    IT WAS A MIRACLE 

    THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST

    IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME

    IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING

    AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT

    NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME

    AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY

    THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING

    IF YOU RUB TOOTHPASTE ON YOUR LIPS IT COMES OFF EASIER

    YES THIS IS A GOOD TIP I HAVE HAD THIS EXPERIENCE

    GIVE IT A LIL SCRUB WITH THE OL’ PEARLY WHITE RUB A DUB DUB

    IT WILL COME OFF

    IT WILL DO AS YOU COMMAND

    THIS MAKEUP   O B E Y S

    IT   S T A Y S

    (via madmaudlingoes)

  2. text

    ioweyouasoul:

    LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

    SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

    ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

    THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

    THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

    image

    AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

    MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

    HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

    image

    HOLY SHIT

    OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

    image

    WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

    (via madmaudlingoes)

  3. text

    "classical music is boring"

    sockmonkeyrenegade:

    groucho-marxism:

    Stravinsky’s rite of spring is about a girl who dances herself to death to appease the Russian god of spring.

    When it premiered the crowd got so amped up they opened up a mosh pit in the theater and the night would be forever known as the “riot of spring”

    There’s a piece in the bassoon repertoire called “Dead Elvis” and when you buy the music you have to contractually agree to only perform the piece in a full Elvis costume.

    image

    (via madmaudlingoes)

  4. text
    dixie-chicken:

ambelies:

aquarion:

aquarion:

morkaischosen:

medea-and-morticia:

discardedfamily:

keepmegoingbaby:

fencehopping:

Boxer crabs are badass because they pick up handfuls clawfuls of stinging sea anemones and use them as weapons.

I thought that was a cheerleader crab

Waitaminutewaitaminute- what you’re telling me is that when that crab gets threatened, it picks up another organism laying nearby/minding it’s own business and then proceeds to use said innocent bystander to beat up whatever was threatening it?
someone please find a picture of this crab and put “I’ll beat a motherfucker with another mother fucker” on it in captions. Do it please I am not good with edits.



I am now singing “I will beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker” to the tune of Llama Llama Duck.

I will beat a motherfucker
with another motherfucker
'til the motherfucker fucking fucked the motherfuck.
Motherfucker, Motherfucker,
Do not fuck with motherfuckers,
Who have other motherfuckers, with to fuck you back.
I once saw a spider
He was not a dove.
using other creatures like some fucking pompom gloves.
Beating motherfuckers,
He looked very pleased.
And with spider friends like that
Who needs anemones?
Did you see that motherfucker punch a fucker with a fucker?
I will beat a motherfucker
with a motherfuck.
 
Once a motherfucker fucked with
twice the motherfucker and he
found the motherfucker was a motherfucking… duck.

By Popular Demand: 

Oh sweet Jesus, I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. omg.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CLICK THE TINY GRAY BOX, SOME GUY WITH A FETCHING ACCENT ACTUALLY SANG IT

    dixie-chicken:

    ambelies:

    aquarion:

    aquarion:

    morkaischosen:

    medea-and-morticia:

    discardedfamily:

    keepmegoingbaby:

    fencehopping:

    Boxer crabs are badass because they pick up handfuls clawfuls of stinging sea anemones and use them as weapons.

    I thought that was a cheerleader crab

    Waitaminutewaitaminute- what you’re telling me is that when that crab gets threatened, it picks up another organism laying nearby/minding it’s own business and then proceeds to use said innocent bystander to beat up whatever was threatening it?

    someone please find a picture of this crab and put “I’ll beat a motherfucker with another mother fucker” on it in captions. Do it please I am not good with edits.

    I am now singing “I will beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker” to the tune of Llama Llama Duck.

    I will beat a motherfucker

    with another motherfucker

    'til the motherfucker fucking fucked the motherfuck.

    Motherfucker, Motherfucker,

    Do not fuck with motherfuckers,

    Who have other motherfuckers, with to fuck you back.

    I once saw a spider

    He was not a dove.

    using other creatures like some fucking pompom gloves.

    Beating motherfuckers,

    He looked very pleased.

    And with spider friends like that

    Who needs anemones?

    Did you see that motherfucker punch a fucker with a fucker?

    I will beat a motherfucker

    with a motherfuck.

     

    Once a motherfucker fucked with

    twice the motherfucker and he

    found the motherfucker was a motherfucking… duck.

    By Popular Demand:

    Oh sweet Jesus, I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. omg.

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CLICK THE TINY GRAY BOX, SOME GUY WITH A FETCHING ACCENT ACTUALLY SANG IT

    (via stepchildofthesun)

  5. text
    riseofthefallenone:

third-round-charm:

distraction:

Not many people know the stereotypical heart shape was meant to be two hearts fused together

Hey there. History nerd here… not many people know this “fact” because it’s not true. The universal heart shape we recognize today has nothing to do with the heart, actually. It has to do with early Roman birth control.The Romans used a plant called silphium to prevent pregnancy. It was so effective that it became a critical part of Rome’s economy and daily life. It was literally so important to their culture that the image of it’s seed were even imprinted on currency. It’s the exact shape of the heart we know today, and this is the first time it’s visage was ever recorded in history. It was so important to them, and so highly prized that they actually drove the plant into extinction by over harvesting it for use. This shape was so ingrained in their society’s conscious as a symbol of sexual liberation that it became associated with all aspects of intimacy, eg. sex, unity, and love.TL;DR: It’s not two hearts sewn together. It’s an ancient plant that Romans used to have gratuitous amounts of sex before condoms were around.

how romantic

    riseofthefallenone:

    third-round-charm:

    distraction:

    Not many people know the stereotypical heart shape was meant to be two hearts fused together


    Hey there. History nerd here… not many people know this “fact” because it’s not true. The universal heart shape we recognize today has nothing to do with the heart, actually. It has to do with early Roman birth control.

    The Romans used a plant called silphium to prevent pregnancy. It was so effective that it became a critical part of Rome’s economy and daily life. It was literally so important to their culture that the image of it’s seed were even imprinted on currency.

    It’s the exact shape of the heart we know today, and this is the first time it’s visage was ever recorded in history. It was so important to them, and so highly prized that they actually drove the plant into extinction by over harvesting it for use.

    This shape was so ingrained in their society’s conscious as a symbol of sexual liberation that it became associated with all aspects of intimacy, eg. sex, unity, and love.

    TL;DR:
    It’s not two hearts sewn together. It’s an ancient plant that Romans used to have gratuitous amounts of sex before condoms were around.

    how romantic

    (Source: smilewill-killyou, via madmaudlingoes)

  6. craftastrophies:

    morgan-leigh:

    alwaysalreadyangry:

    morgan-leigh:

    Fuck off, Sebastian: 7-8/?

    Photoshoots are so weird. Actors’ lives are so weird. PLEASE JUST DUMP THIS COFFEE OUT. PLEASE JUST LEAN AGAINST THIS UGLY SOFA ON SOME PAVEMENT OUT IN A LOT BEHIND A STUDIO PRESUMABLY. ADJUST YOUR SUNGLASSES. DON’T MOVE. KTHX.

    morgan you have ruined photoshoots for me because the first time i saw the first photo here i thought “this photo will really freak morgan out”

    ALSO like, how many attempts did it take? was a cleaner right there by him with a mop? WHY IS HE HOLDING THAT OLD BOOK? why is there a skull & crossbones on the mug? has he just discovered that his coffee was poisoned with magic? and he’s like “NAH NOT THIS TIME,” as he pours it all away. like. i literally think that this is the concept here. because otherwise, why.

    i need to have a lie down

    ETA: HE’S WEARING THE SAME JEANS HE WORE TO PLAY TENNIS?? ARE THEY THE ONLY JEANS HE OWNS? HE CLEARLY OWNS THOSE JEANS

    LYING DOWN FOREVER

    I’M CRYING

    THIS IS AMAZING

    LONG LIVE THOSE JEANS, sorry Sebastian Stan that we are scrutinizing your trousers closely enough to have noticed this, sorry for what your life has become

    But can you imagine what that bottom photo looked like while it was happening? Is it even in a photo studio? Did they walk the streets to find a sofa someone had chucked out and then they were like ‘right this looks good’. I’m imagining a middle aged lady walking past and seeing them and tutting ‘hipsters’.

    (Source: buckynatasha, via stepchildofthesun)

  7. The Slytherin common room is located down in the depths of Hogwarts and reaches as far out as the lake. It’s darkly light with a greenish tint and while it may not be the warmest place, it is suppose to be one of the most relaxing rooms thanks to the sound of the water surrounding them. The entrance is through the dungeons and requires a password that is changed fortnightly and then pinned to the noticeboard inside. Upon entering you will notice the vast windows that offer a unique underwater view. The giant squid is amongst the many weird and wonder creatures said to frequently swim past. The rest of the room is appropriately decorated with skulls, leather sofas, dark wooden furniture and grand tapestries that cover the walls celebrating famous Slytherins throughout history.

    (Source: chrrycola, via occupymalfoysbed)

  8. text
    jamiejedi:

wittyandcharming:

sheepy-doodle:

ursulavernon:

bogleech:

ceruleancynic:

mmejack:

wittyandcharming:

THESE PARENT BIRDS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE BIRDY DRAG QUEENS WITH FLAWLESS EYELINER AND THE BABY LOOKS LIKE AN UNFINISHED MUPPET AND I’M DEAD.

These perfectly done up geisha are just so proud of their strange little alien sock puppet.

this picture makes me happy

Every time I see this I think I laugh harder
They really do look so proud
So serious, so dignified as they bask together in the stupid looking lint monster that came out of one of their butts

I love this!



OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

YOU MAY NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS POST GETTING NOTES AGAIN

    jamiejedi:

    wittyandcharming:

    sheepy-doodle:

    ursulavernon:

    bogleech:

    ceruleancynic:

    mmejack:

    wittyandcharming:

    THESE PARENT BIRDS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE BIRDY DRAG QUEENS WITH FLAWLESS EYELINER AND THE BABY LOOKS LIKE AN UNFINISHED MUPPET AND I’M DEAD.

    These perfectly done up geisha are just so proud of their strange little alien sock puppet.

    this picture makes me happy

    Every time I see this I think I laugh harder

    They really do look so proud

    So serious, so dignified as they bask together in the stupid looking lint monster that came out of one of their butts

    I love this!

    OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

    YOU MAY NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS POST GETTING NOTES AGAIN

    (via madmaudlingoes)

  9. wickedclothes:

    Kraken / Squid Bronze Ear Cuff

    Giant squids were often feared by sailors and pirates alike, particularly the mighty kraken. Crafted out of fine bronze, this ear cuff resembles the commonly feared kraken, and requires no piercings to be worn. Sold on Etsy.

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I cannot stand most of the people I've met. Sometimes I wish that people can drop dead after hitting a certain level of stupidity.

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